Saturday, June 02, 2007

Today Yesterday was such a terrible, lousy, bad day.

Quarrelled since early morning and was only okay at night. The whole day I was trying so hard to control my emotions. I just didn't wanna cry, infront of so many people. I don't wanna end up in this kinda quarrel again. It made me feel so sad and hurt. And I really know where I stand in this game; how lousy and imcompetent I am. I know it's my fault. I apologised many times but I know myself that apologies wouldn't work. But still, it was over something not really minor but it was far from major. I'm not blaming the other party for this quarrel, cause I know I'm the one who caused everything. I was really on the verge of it, but I know a simple little movement could turn the whole situation wrong. If only a sorry could heal the situation... I'm loosing this whole thing just through the tips my hands. I was so fed up.

Had 4hours of Chem plus Emaths test. I'm gonna fail the test again. Wth. I couldn't concentrate the whole lesson and so nothing got into my brain. And it's cause of the bloody quarrel. I hate it, I swear. Everytime I think about it makes me doubt this whole damn thing.

Went out with Ys, Karin, Connie, Andra, Shazunah, Kee Siang, Edwin, Freddy to CS for lunch. I was seriously close to tears but I'm not gonna cry infront of everyone of them. But I have to say they did make me laugh even though I was completely not in the mood to. Connie and her very violent hand beating actions, Andra and her funniness, Karin, YS and their much concern & love, etc etc. Thank you so much lovely ones.

Went to Shawn Tan's place at night with the whole Camp Committee (Zheng Xin, Joylynn, Jeremiah, Rachel, Shawn, Charmaine, Nicholas, Joachim, Ernie). I couldn't concentrate the whole time once again. Worrying about every single thing regarding that very stupid incident. I very much wanted to give up on everything. Sighz sighz sighz. Charmaine could even tell how disturbed I was even though we ain't close or anything. She asked me if I was fine, not in the physical sense but in the emotional sense. Wow she hit me right on the nail.

Talked to Kerwin on the phone and I told him how exactly was I feeling. I'm glad he understood. He told me he knows I'm a strong girl. I'm not at all. I bet he still remembers last holiday where I just wailed like a baby over the phone over love matters. That idiot told Zenith that I'd be going MOS on 12th and so Zenith's like quite excited about it cause gawdddd I haven't met them since Vl left for Perth. I miss them like crap :(

I talked things out with my parents yesterday night and I didn't get screwed at all, not a single bit for my studies. We talked like proper adults. So they didn't even bug at me the whole of today. But yeah something else just had to happen...

I have my priorities right now. And my very #1's Jesus♥ Forever is the only thing that I know that will happen with Him.

But now everything's almost fine and I'm gonna try to forget everything. I'm not not not not not not not not not not blaming anyone for this. I brought it upon myself so yeah, it's my dessert. But I don't want another of this happening again :'( It bloody hurts.

I really felt like shit the whole day _l_ When I'm sad I do type a lot. All those emotions.....

I'll be off to camp on Sunday morning till so byebye if I never have a chance to blog today again.


Thank you so much for today, your advices and being listening ears.
I love you girls <3

1:41 AM ♥